Cannot help these bad thoughts playing on my mind [ADVICE]

[PumpkinZulu]

I'll be 10 weeks tomorrow, easily the most pregnant I have ever been by about two weeks. It's a great feeling, and I am adoring being pregnant But the fear that I will lose this baby (or that I already have) has been playing on my mind for most of this pregnancy so far DF has tried reassuring me, telling me that the morning sickness, sore boobs, little belly, are all great signs. I guess sometimes BellyBelly can be more of a curse than a blessing; I never knew before BB just how common miscarriage was, and after experiencing it myself...I just cannot shake the feeling that I have lost this one too

Please, what can I do? I hate thinking about the possibility of another m/c, I try not to often, but it always creeps back into my head. A few weeks now, I've had the almost overwhelming feeling to just go into the ED of my local hospital and get a scan, but the system is already so clogged. I am just terrified I'll rock up for my 12 week scan (at 13w3d) and bubs will be measuring 7 weeks or something. There was a heartbeat of 119bpm at 6w5d. What can I do? What did you guys do?

[OceanPrincess]

PZ, just couldn't read without posting something

I'm sure there will be lots of great advice coming very soon... What about one of those portable fetal Doppler thingys? Just to ease your mind?

And here's a few more of these for you

Hang in there

[Lily Dust]

PZ, Pregnancy after loss or ltttc is sooo hard and scary. I dont think I really have any answers for you but try and keep busy, like super busy. Perhaps you can ask for a scan at a private clinic it might cost a bit but if it eases your mind then so be it, we had scans every few weeks in the first trimester to keep me sane and I had bloods every 3 days from 3.5 weeks- 8 weeks. I also POAS regularly until about 36 weeks All your pregnancy signs are great and take them as a little bit of reassurance but I know that doesnt make it any easier. The fact that you have seen that little one on scan with a strong heartbeat is a great start too. Hang in there babe

[Mum2SweetCs]

PZ, I think it is normal to feel this way. I felt the same when i was pregnant and continually worried until I felt the baby move. Even then i was continually worried with "what ifs"

I guess its harder said than done but remember in a blink of an eye you will be holding your gorgeous healthy baby in your arms and then thinking "if only i enjoyed the pregnancy more and didnt worry throughout it"

we are here for reassurance whenever you need it.

[Eenee]

hun like you I was and still am scared. Every day is a different battle, not sure what advice to give you cos i'm not that great at helping myself. My Dh is always reassuring me and that helps me to feel better and start thinking positive. For me to "feel safe" Well somewhat I have become over cautious with everything especially food! so I don't recommend that. I tell myself that I just have to take it as it comes not like I can change the outcome IYKWIM, trust that your little one is safe inside you and growing strong. It definitely isn't easy!

[Enchanted]

Couldn't read and not post. No real advice but just wanted you to know I am thinking of you, just try and take it one day at a time and think of each day as a little victory.

[Sunny Love]

Couldn't help but post, I can really feel your anguish. Unfortunatly there is little that can be done to reassure your worries, other than what other ladies have suggested (private scans and keeping busy.) My advice, just believe in what you can't see or control, you have too. Early prg after loss is kind of like the Pacific Ocean, you know its there, and sometimes you can see/touch it, but mostly you can't, you just trust in what you believe. Just believe PZ, we do.
Much faith and love.
xx

[Feijoa Mum]

Oh you poor sausage

I have been blessed with five beautiful healthy happy children but my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I was gutted and devasted and all the normal emotions that follow.

It also meant that for every one of my pregnancies I fretted the entire time. From early on (especially so as I was a bleeder) right up until I had them safely in my arms.
Checking my undies everytime I went to the toilet constantly prodding my tummy and having cold drinks to get the baby moving once I could feel the kicks.

I guess I dont have any advice but I wanted to say that what you are feeling is very normal and common.
Take your pregnancy one day at a time and try to enjoy this fantastic (but scary) time.
Enjoy the changes in your body and yes the signs you have are a great thing.
Have your moments of worry but make sure you have more of the positive happy thoughts too

[Arcadia]

Motherhood is such a test of our resolve and our ability to trust in our baby and ourselves.

I think perhaps you could start looking into some affirmations, and maybe even create a little baby/birth alter to create a space to go when worries overtake you...I found it really helpful even after DD was born, because the worrying doesn't stop!!

Maybe you could write up some affirmations to read, such as "Surrender to the process" and "I trust in my body and my baby" to reassure yourself that there really isn't anything you CAN do, but try and ride this wave of uncertainty.

I am not a fan of frequent scans etc, because I think they just add to the anxiety (for me personally). Instead I have found it easier to just quietly listen to my baby and trust things will be ok...whatever the outcome.

Bit of a ramble, but just know you are certainly not alone, even those of us without losses experience this kind of anxiety.

[TeniBear]

Until I started feeling Cookie move, I knew I'd lost him/her. I just knew it. There was pretty much no doubt in my mind that I'd be having another dead baby. I went into my first and second scans telling Scott all would be okay, but knowing it wasn't. And guess what? S/he's still there, belting me from the inside at every opportunity. It's so normal to have these feelings whether you've had a loss or not, and that's okay. It's alright to be afraid sometimes. If you're really badly scared, who cares about clogging up the public system? Go have a quick scan (when I say quick I just mean the actual scan, not the waiting times, etc. of course)

Hey, if you want we could see if they can do a quick check on you after my u/s next Monday?

[human bean]

It is so very hard isn't it just take it day by day, acknowledge the fear but try not to service it too much, easier said than done I know. I wish I'd spent more of DD's pregnancy enjoying it, and not being so convinced for the most part that something was wrong, but hindsight is a wonderful thing, especially now she's safe in my arms. And I'm sure I'll have all the same fears throughout my next pregnancy if I'm blessed enough to have one. Extra scans will only reassure you while they're being done, then the worries creep back in once you wake the next day, or even later that day Don't be afraid to pour all of your love and trust into the amazing life that is growing within you PZ

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Oh darl I understand where you're coming from. All my experience tells me that pregnancy lasts 6 weeks and doesn't result in a baby

Could you make the effort to write a journal for your baby? Just a small entry every day, saying what you did for bub that day, how you're feeling etc. Obviously you wouldn't wanna make the whole thing a downer, so it might force you to focus on the good stuff, even if its only for an hour or so every day y'know? Talk to bub, rub your bump, basically 'fake it til you make it'. If you do these things often enough, hopefully it will override your current habit of stressing.....at least, that's my theory

Hugs for you hun

[mummy of 3 boys]

PZ - my first pregnany ended in a m/c too, so when it come time that i was pregnant with DS my Dr kept reassuring me that the next time i got pregnant everything would be alright i would carry the baby fullterm, so when it come time i was pregnant with DS i tried to block out the negative thoughts and focused on what my Dr said that everything would be fine this time around and it helped ease my mind (didnt take away all of it) i would still go to the toilet and always exspect to see blood, well it never happened and i had a gorgeous healthy bubba 9 months later, so what i guess im trying to say is STAY POSITIVE!
Early scans only help ease your mind for that day mayb a couple days after then your worried again, its all about staying positive and trusting your body/baby

BTW by 10wks your have a very high chance everything is A-OK
Can i must say thanks to gorgeous Green Tree Frog (althought i dont think shes around anymore) her saying was

PREGNANT UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE!!! And believe in it cause you ARE pregnant until proven otherwise!

[Miss.September]

Have you got a GP that can send you to a private u/s clinic? It might be the way to ease your mind.

I had spotting throughout my pg (after m/c the first too) and I got a doppler and it saved my sanity. I know all the bad things and risks with dopplers, but we limited our use and I was always able to check after a bleed that all was okay. It might be the only way to keep your mind at ease down the track.

[LionsandBears]

PZ - This is all completely normal. Every time I had a scan after my missed m/c I asked the operator to turn the screen off until they confirmed there was a heartbeat - even at 21 weeks.

In the morning, go to the Early Pregnancy Assessment centre at RWH. They are very nice there. If you get there early (by 8:30), you won't have a long waiting time. They are open mornings only, M-F. You don't need a referral, just take your medicare card. With your history of multiple m/s, there shouldn't be any issues with them seeing you.

[Junglemum]

It sux doesn't it. I had 2 m/c's before Dd1 and although I've had two successful pregnancies since then it still plagues my thoughts.
It's probably not that healthy but my coping mechanism is one of detachment. I think about being preg but not about the actual baby iykwim. It's not the best way to cope but it's what I do. I am freaking out there is something wrong with this bub due to all the meds I've had to take. But there is nothing I can do about if now, except try not to worry, and wait.

Once you reach ten weeks I think your chance of mc goes from about 1 in 4 to 1 in 100. So that's good news.

I know you have your nt scan late so your mum can go but have you thought of having it at 12 weeks and showing your mum the DVD? Might be better for you peace of mind?



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[Persephone1]

Go and stand in your local marketplace or shopping centre. See all the people around you - hundreds, even thousands of people? They SURVIVED gestation. Their mothers didn't miscarry with them. I know what that anxiety is like, and convinced myself I would miscarry with DS. Bellybelly threads about loss didn't help. What did help was a bit of reality-checking now and again.

Statistically you are already looking at great odds - statistically speaking, chances are you will carry to term. I used to look at miscarriage statistics but ignored the flipside statistics. You have over 95% chance of NOT miscarrying. That's fantastic!

Keep busy. And stop reading stories of loss, or googling. Be kind to yourself.

[TeniBear]

You have over 95% chance of NOT miscarrying. That's fantastic!

Actually, I just remembered, I was reading yesterday - it's more like 99% after ten weeks